


Desire of the Past

by turtlequoises



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Clay | Dream Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Loneliness, M/M, Memories, Multi, Possibly Unrequited Love, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29700984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlequoises/pseuds/turtlequoises
Summary: Nothing lasts forever. Dream knew this and should’ve expected it. However it was easy to forget when you’re in the moment. Now that it’s over though it's a horrible reminder of reality.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Desire of the Past

Time was something that most people either think constantly of or forget about it. The reminder of time’s existence depends on people and where they are at in life. When things are good and life is at a high,it becomes rather simple to forget that time keeps moving no matter what. The good times are the ones that we cling onto the most. Maybe that is why when life is at a low point, we can finally remember the never stopping passage of time.

Dream stared at the clock on his computer. His eyes burned from the bright light in the dark room but he didn’t even consider the pain. The clock slowly moved up a minute, which only then made him look away from it. Time seemed to be a constant reminder in his head now. 

Reminders of how he didn’t appreciate the good times when they were around. How he didn’t appreciate the people around him more when things were different. Maybe he did appreciate the moments enough but his brain kept refusing this possibility.  
He looked around on his computer in search of some possible distraction from the clock. His gaze finally landed on a youtube tab and he clicked on it without a second thought. The tab led to Sapnap’s youtube channel with specifically a paused video. This was an older video of a few years back when the Dream Team was still together.

The Dream Team. He missed George and Sapnap most of all. The times they shared together meant the world to him. However he knew it wouldn’t last forever but maybe some part of him wanted to hold on and ignore the looming unknown future. Well that part failed and now the future became the present. Things were different now no matter how much he had tried to hold on.

Dream remembered when the trio decided to split up and go their independent ways. They still remained friends but things weren’t like before when daily calls went to weekly then monthly. Thankfully they remained monthly and Dream watched as they lived their lives and kept moving on. He remembered when George and Sapnap announced they were together. They thanked him for his support and mentioned that it meant the world to them. He bit back any pain and kept being there for them even as time kept going. When the two moved in together in the UK, Dream kept supporting them; when the two got married, Dream was the best man and his support still remained. He just wanted them to be happy.

So why did it hurt so bad? Why did it keep hurting throughout the years? Maybe it was because Dream loved them in a way he couldn’t talk about. He cared about them and wasn’t going to ruin things with his own complex and confusing feelings towards them. So he didn’t tell them and just sat back and watched as they moved on. Things kept changing and Dream felt even more lost as time kept going.

Life kept changing as memories became more faded in the past. Such as the memories of the Dream SMP. The server lasted a good few seasons but eventually it ended as things usually do. Dream still checks up on the former members of the SMP every once in a while. He’s glad that they’re all good and being successful in the world. They all seem so happy and able to move on so quickly. He often wonders why he isn’t able to do the same.

Dream was still successful with his career. His channel had grown even more and he kept making content. However he knew things weren’t the same and it only became more obvious with every comment of _I miss the Dream Team_ and _Why did time have to go by so quickly_. Those comments stuck with him more and more lately. He even started avoiding reading comments after the first few as it kept bringing him back to this emotional pit of missing the past but knowing that it’s impossible to go back.

So here he was now, staring at his computer and only being able to think about the past. He turned off the computer before his thoughts could come back. His hands reached up and gently ran through his hair in a way of somewhat comfort. However it wasn’t the same as another person doing it. He knew he was lonely and exhausted, desiring the past despite knowing the impossibility of it coming back.

His gaze wandered again in another attempt to distract himself. After a few moments it landed on a photo frame. He gently picked it up and examined the picture. The picture was of him, George, and Sapnap at their first meetup together. The happiness that the picture showed only gave Dream another storm of emotions. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to laugh or cry as he gazed at the picture. Eventually both won out as tears fell onto the frame with an occasional laugh as he remembered the joy they all felt during that week of the meetup.

Dream wished he could go back to at least that week or just go back to that time with George and Sapnap, back when it was just the three of them together for what seemed like forever. However the reality of knowing that this was no longer possible kept crushing his mood. He put the picture down before leaning back in his chair, looking up at the dark ceiling as he tried to wipe away the remaining tears in his eyes.

His mind wandered back to memories of the past with his friends and the moments they had shared together. Even though he wanted the past back, he knew it was gone now and it had changed. Things weren’t going to be like that again. He just didn’t know why he couldn’t ever fully accept that. Remembering the past felt both helpful and painful. Memories that he desperately grasped onto and he tried to get lost in and ignore reality. However Dream always had to eventually fully wake back up and remember that things were different now.

Despite the inner turmoil, he still longed for the past and the memories of the people he missed the most.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Apologies for all the angst lately. Currently working on more fluff fics. 
> 
> You can find me on twitter if you wish at @turtlequoise_
> 
> Have a lovely day!


End file.
